


Jean Cannot Climb Stairs Properly While Drunk

by WatermelonAntlers



Series: Valvert Modern AU [3]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Cards Against Humanity, College AU, F/F, First Kiss, I haven't really paid much about her personality or anything before now, I'm not really sure if Eponine is OOC or not, M/M, Modern AU, Oneshot, Pretend Relationship, They're pretending to be dating, Twister - Freeform, but yeah, drunk, drunk confession of love, idk man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 10:18:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14054787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WatermelonAntlers/pseuds/WatermelonAntlers
Summary: GlutenFree: Cosette knows we’re datingTheSunIsAStar: the hellTheSunIsAStar: we’re not thoGlutenFree: were notGlutenFree: ?TheSunIsAStar: we’re not.TheSunIsAStar: Why the fuck does your sister think that?GlutenFree: apparently living together means we’re a thingTheSunIsAStar: She knows being roommates is a thing right?TheSunIsAStar: right?GlutenFree: i dont think she doesTheSunIsAStar:You know this is your problem.GlutenFree: she invited us to a double date(Not a text fic, only the beginning is texting)





	Jean Cannot Climb Stairs Properly While Drunk

GlutenFree:Javert  
TheSunIsAStar: what  
GlutenFree: i ducked up  
GlutenFree: *fucked  
TheSunIsAStar: And what am I supposed to do about it?  
TheSunIsAStar: Can you pick some milk up from the store?  
GlutenFree: No  
GlutenFree: Cosette knows we’re dating  
TheSunIsAStar: the hell  
TheSunIsAStar: we’re not tho  
GlutenFree: were not  
GlutenFree: ?  
TheSunIsAStar: we’re not.  
TheSunIsAStar: Why the fuck does your sister think that?  
GlutenFree: apparently living together means we’re a thing  
TheSunIsAStar: She knows being roommates is a thing right?  
TheSunIsAStar: right?  
GlutenFree: i dont think she does  
TheSunIsAStar:You know this is your problem.  
GlutenFree: she invited us to a double date  
TheSunIsAStar: Damn her  
GlutenFree: ill pick u up at 7 babe ;)  
TheSunIsAStar: fuck you

TheSunIsAStar started a new chat with BlondeBi  
TheSunIsAStar: Thank you  
BlondeBi: ?????

•-———-•

“Where are we even going?” Javert asked as he entered Jean’s car.  
“Just at Cosette’s girlfriend’s, Éponine her name isI think” Jean said as he dug around in the glove compartment. “It’s a double date.”  
“You mentioned that.” Javert grabbed the keys Jean were looking for, which were just on the dashboard in front of Jean.  
“Thanks.” Jean sheepishly smiled, the keys were right in front of him the whole time. Now he definitely wouldn’t admit he’d spent 5 consecutive minutes looking for them. He started the engine, and then looked at Javert again, now taking notice of what Javert was wearing. “Finally comfortable wearing that in public eh?”  
Javert slightly went pink, and crossed his arms over the part of his stomach the crop top showed. He didn't hide much skin though, as he was also wearing the short shorts he’d gotten. “Yes, now shut up.”  
Jean laughed, and pulled the car out of the driveway. “I like them.”

•-———-•

Jean and Javert arrived ten minutes later, but stayed in the car for an extra two reviewing details such as how they got together.  
“Hi Jean!” Cosette cheerily said as she opened the door for the ‘couple’. She was almost too cheery for just swing her brother yesterday.  
Jean groaned, “Stop saying it like the pants.” but regardless he hugged his sister like he hadn't seen her in months.  
Cosette hugged back just as eagerly, “Never” she said as she pulled out of the hug. She was grinning madly as she turned to greet Javert. “Glad to see my future brother in-law again! Love the outfit by the way.” Cosette quickly hugged Javert too, but not for long enough so that Javert could hug back. “Tbh I didn’t realized it’d be you tho.”  
“You two know each other?” Jean asked.  
“We share a class,” Cosette said, shrugging for whatever reason. “forensics. Though I have to say, you did a good Jean, he’s a smart one.”  
Javert went slightly pink, he wasn’t used to compliments. And Jean said, “Really, I never noticed he was smart.”  
Javert playfully hit Jean’s arm, “Shut up.”

“Babe!” A girl from inside the house yelled, most likely Eponine. “If it's the kids who think it’s Halloween for whatever reason, just give them the fucking Tide Pods!”  
“It’s Jean and his boyfriend!” Cosette yelled back.  
“Let them in then!”  
Cosette lightly flushed, and moved aside for the two, who promptly entered the household and brushed the snow and mud off their shoes on the entrance mat.

“Since when do you need to take forensics to become a teacher Cos?” Jean said once he and Javert hung up their coats and such.  
Cosette shrugged. “I guess I’d thought it’d be interesting or something, I dunno. And plus I already needed another course.”  
Jean nodded, made enough sense. “So are we having supper or? You didn’t really specify. Other than that it’s a double date.”  
“Supper and cards against humanity. Or twister, I don’t know.” Cosette told the two men as the three of them entered the dining room  
Javert pulled a face, “Twister?” he wasn’t the most flexible person, and most definitely would pull a muscle trying to play.  
Jean grabbed his “boyfriend’s” hand. “You can be the spinner babe.”  
“No way in hell am I just being the spinner.”  
“Suit yourself.” Jean shrugged, still holding Javert’s hand. All the while Cosette was cracking up in the corner.

Eponine entered the room as the doorbell rang, and a second later Eponine emerged from a room just off of the dining room, she quickly set down the cups and plates she was holding onto the table, and then left the room to answer the door. A minute later she came back with the pizza box in hand. “PIZZA’S HERE!”

•-———-•

Along with pizza, there was also alcohol. Everyone except Javert was fairly buzzed of course — Javert was still sober when they’d finished the pizza. He wanted to remember this night.  
Now they were playing Cards Against Humanity on the floor of the living room, the ones who wanted to were taking shots whenever their card wasn’t picked. Cosette sat on Eponine’s lap as they played, and Jean was laying on his side and using Javert’s lap as a pillow.  
“In some cases,” Cosette picked up the last card to be read out, as she was the cardzar. “stuffing a child’s face with fun-dip until they have fun can be considered cheating in the special olympics.”  
“Oh my god.” Jean said, his speech slightly slurred. While Javert ran his fingers through Jean’s hair, smiling. He may or may not have been the person to put that down.  
Eponine giggled, like giggled as in the anime school girl kind of way, but a drunk anime school girl.  
“Those first two,” Cosette began. “suck dick.”  
“I like sucking dick.” Jean interrupted.  
“Not my favourite.” Eponine said.  
“Meh. But that last one is just cruel.” Cosette said. “So I’m gonna chose the… the one about Daniel Radcliffe.”  
“Fuck yeah!” Eponine yelled, pumping a fist in the air. She reached over and handed a shot glass to Jean.  
Jean grabbed his glass, filled it up, and drank it. 

•-———-•

By the time they finished Cards Against Humanity and attempted the first round of Twister — the girls hadn’t really thought this through very well, Javert decided that it was time to leave, and dragged Jean away from the twister mat and to the car.  
“I.. I can drive!” Jean slurred, trying to get in the driver’s seat of the car.  
“Jean, no.” Javert gently grabbed Jean by the shoulder, and lead the drunken mess over to the passenger seat.  
“Buzzshit, this is bullkill.”  
Javert snickered, and pulled out of the driveway.

•-———-•

“Philibert.” Jean said, leaning on Javert, Jean’s head resting on the other’s shoulder. The two were inside now and on the couch, as they didn’t want to go bed just yet.  
Javert — or Philibert for that matter sighed, he hated his first name, but Jean was drunk so he’d let it pass. “Yes?”  
“I love you.”  
Javert stared at Jean. “We’re done pretending now Jean.”  
Jean shifted, “No, but like, I really do.” and now his voice was muffled from Javert’s shirt.  
“Jean you’re drunk.” Javert said, surely this was just some drunken mistake mixed in with pretending they were dating. Doesn’t mean Javert didn’t want it to be true though.  
Jean looked up at Javert, and slowly — almost hesitantly reached over to take Javert’s hand. With his other hand he reached up to cup Javert’s cheek, and if Jean was any other person Javert would immediately pull away, but this _was_ Jean so he didn’t. Jean shifted so he was sitting up instead of laying down, and was just above eye level with Javert, because Javert’s short.  
Neither was really sure who leaned in first, (but the author can confirm that it was Jean) but either way they kissed. The kiss was soft and gentle putting aside the scratching from each man’s facial hair, and other than alcohol it tasted like mouth.

As much as Javert loved kissing Jean — god he loved it, he pulled away. “Jean you’re drunk.”  
“And?”  
Javert sighed, puffing out his cheeks as he did so. “I… I don’t want to take advantage of you.”  
The only clue to what was going through Jean’s head were his eyes, which obviously beheld rejection, and a bit of fear. Fear of what their relationship would be tomorrow, most likely. “I don’t want sex.”  
Javert deeply flushed. “That’s not what I meant.”  
Jean’s face fell, as if it hadn’t been the epitome of sadness before. Without saying a single word of warning, Jean drunkenly and hastily got up from Javert, accidentally pushing him a little backwards. Jean ran out of the room, and Javert could hear him running up the stairs. He tripped. “SHIT!”  
“You okay?” Javert yelled.  
“Yeah.” And then Javert could hear Jean’s door close, leaving Javert alone on the couch.


End file.
